Fucking Machines

The problem with dildos is that they don't thrust by themselves. The fucking machine has arrived and that will never be a problem again. While there are fucking machines that work on a suction principle, the overwhelming majority are made to fuck you hard, fast and deep. There are four basic types:

The saddle-type fucking machine is first: you simply mount it and go for a ride. The advantages of this type are comfort and accuracy. With a saddle-type fucking machine, you can guide the dong into you so it hits wherever you want. Unfortunately, due to the shape and position, you don't get as much momentum as you do from other machines.

Type two is the penetrator-type, which stands on its own and rams a dildo into you. Often using hydraulic action, the penetrator-type has the best range of motion of all fucking machines. While it's true that they're less flexible than saddle-types and they're less partner-friendly, nothing will fuck you harder.

The third class of fucking machine is comprised of adaptors that turn various power tools into pleasure tools. The most popular adaptors are for drills, screwdrivers and reciprocating saws (like the famous Fucksall)-- replacing their metal bits with your favorite dildo. Silicone based lube is recommended due to the intensity. You will never be the same.

Manual fucking machines comprise the last and broadest of the four types. From the Jackhammer Johnson™ which resembles a pogo stick, to the e-z rider™ (an exercise ball with attached dong) it's hard to generalize. The major advantage of a manual fucking machine is that it responds to your movement, allowing a more customizable experience.